some moments are the hardest when you realize that some of the people you have loved the most aren't around anymore. some moments when you just want to pick up the phone and tell them about a funny thing that you saw or that one of the boys said...and then i remember that, that just isn't possible. pretty much sucks, ya know.
last month i told you about my aunt that passed away suddenly...well i am pretty sure i've decided in my head that this really didn't happen. i hadn't talked to her for a few weeks before she passed away and frankly i think i was just a little bit mad at her, so i am just going with that. frankly i think i am still mad at her for dying and its just easier to pretend that she didn't. at her funeral, i waited a few hours before i mustered up the courage to "view" her body. and when i finally did, it just didn't look like her at all...so i think i've decided it wasn't her that died.
i am sure this is in no way healthy...but right now i am going with it.
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